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Feb. 28th, 2020 03:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_trashmouthThere's a part of Richie that's convinced things are going to be weird forever. He hasn't really talked to Eddie much since he found the piece of rail and the carving near the Home, but that's not too much different from how things were before. It's a lot of avoiding Eddie and Jamie in the halls at school, hanging out more with Stan and Bev, studying at Regan's house instead of coming straight home.
He's gotten used to it. But it sucks. He misses his friends and he misses giving Eddie shit. He misses putting on a Voice and getting one right back from Jamie. Their room at the Home is so quiet now, Richie wants to jump out of his fucking skin.
But he knows Eddie probably told Jamie about what happened, and Jamie probably hates him now. Because Richie likes boys the same way he likes girls, he probably thinks Richie wants to be with Eddie, or that he wants to take him away. It's all stupid and Richie hates it.
Today after school, Regan can't hang out until later, so Richie has to go back to the Home to do his homework. But he figures if maybe he steers clear of the bedroom he shares with Jamie, it won't be so weird.
He dashes upstairs to grab his math book, hoping he doesn't run into anyone.
He's gotten used to it. But it sucks. He misses his friends and he misses giving Eddie shit. He misses putting on a Voice and getting one right back from Jamie. Their room at the Home is so quiet now, Richie wants to jump out of his fucking skin.
But he knows Eddie probably told Jamie about what happened, and Jamie probably hates him now. Because Richie likes boys the same way he likes girls, he probably thinks Richie wants to be with Eddie, or that he wants to take him away. It's all stupid and Richie hates it.
Today after school, Regan can't hang out until later, so Richie has to go back to the Home to do his homework. But he figures if maybe he steers clear of the bedroom he shares with Jamie, it won't be so weird.
He dashes upstairs to grab his math book, hoping he doesn't run into anyone.
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Date: 2020-02-28 10:17 pm (UTC)I knew I could, I knew I just had to start, just open my mouth and begin to speak, but he was so clearly avoiding me that every time I wanted to try, I ended up feeling too awkward to do so. But it felt awful. Richie had been Eddie's friend first, of course, and it was Eddie's initial carved into the bridge, but Richie was my friend, too. I felt like I'd lost something.
It was luck and nothing more than had me stepping into the shared room from the bathroom what must have been just moments after Richie got there. I stopped, shocked to see him, then before he could go anywhere, I blurted out, "I'm not mad at you, stop avoiding me!"
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Date: 2020-02-28 11:48 pm (UTC)Shit.
"I'm not avoiding you, I don't know what you're talking about," he says, though he knows it's a lie and he knows that Jamie's not going to to fall for it at all. Besides Eddie, Jamie's pretty much the last person Richie is looking forward to talking to.
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Date: 2020-02-29 03:09 pm (UTC)"Stop it," I said. "Don't lie to me about it, too. If you don't want to be friends with me anymore, just say so."
I meant for the words to be angry, but they just came out sounding kind of strangled and sad. The possibility of not being friends any longer hadn't occurred to me until I'd said it. Right from the start I had assumed everything would get better sooner or later.
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Date: 2020-03-01 02:02 am (UTC)But Jamie hadn't tried to talk to him either, so Richie was pretty sure he'd already made his mind up about whether he still wanted to be friends at all.
"Hey, you stopped talking to me too!" Richie argues, because it's not like Jamie couldn't have said something. Though, Richie had been avoiding him. A lot.
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Date: 2020-03-01 07:05 pm (UTC)"You're right," I said. "I just... I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me or that I should give you some space first and then it just got to be more and more space and then it felt like I'd left it for too long and I..." I dropped my hands to my sides. "I hate it."
It was more than I usually said at once and I sighed, then chewed on my lower lip. It was all something I should have said before, weeks ago, probably, but it wasn't as if I could take that back. I was just used to losing my friends, all of them, one by one, and I had hoped it would stop happening now that I was in Darrow.
I didn't want this to be something that meant I lost another.
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Date: 2020-03-02 02:53 am (UTC)"It's all just fucking weird, okay?" he says with a deep shrug, but doesn't make it clear what's he's talking about. Maybe it's everything he's talking about. It's weird not talking to Jamie and Eddie, it's weird that the fucking piece of railing showed up in the first place, it's weird for Jamie to know what was on it and why Richie put it there.
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Date: 2020-03-03 12:32 am (UTC)Eddie and I weren't breaking up, not over this, although I hadn't honestly worried about that for very long at all. He had told me and it had all come as a shock, but that very same night we'd also gone to the party together and we had danced and kissed and while things had certainly not been as much fun as they might have otherwise been, we had still been together.
"I just... I miss my friend," I said.
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Date: 2020-03-08 05:51 am (UTC)Maybe he's right, though. Because Regan doesn't hate him and didn't break up with him. Stan and Bev don't completely hate him. Even Eddie... well Eddie hadn't reacted like Richie'd thought he would.
Everything's different and nothing is, all at the same time.
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Date: 2020-03-09 05:57 pm (UTC)Even as I said the words, they felt absurd. At first, in those early moments when Eddie had told me what happened, I'd been jealous and angry and afraid. But it hadn't taken long to realize just because something was no longer a secret didn't mean everything was going to turn into that reality. A crush was a crush. I had certainly had one before Eddie. It wasn't so strange for Richie to have had one before Regan.